Psalm 4

 I'm really enjoying studying God's word. Like just being with God as he illuminates various aspects of scripture, like he's just pointing out things specifically for me as his child. Things he wants me to know, to learn. Things he wants me to really take a hold of for my own good. It's like He's just so happy to have me back exploring all that He has in store for me. I'm sorry Lord for not being there when you were so patiently waiting for me. I hope the wait is worth it (You are worth it I can hear him saying to me). You are worth it Lord. You are worthy, full stop! 

Anyway, Psalm 4....

...Mediate within your heart on your bed, and be still.

...Put your trust in the Lord

...You have put gladness in my heart

...I will both lie down in peace, and sleep;

...For You alone, O Lord, make me dwell in safety

These words bring me great comfort and speak directly to where I am at right now. I'm on my bed, sitting here meditating on all that He is teaching me in His word. He keeps prompting me to put my trust in Him. It is God who has actually put gladness in my heart. It's there. I don't have to strive or seek it outside of myself. It is God himself who has placed that gladness right into my heart. Like a surgeon who has extracted the old valve that was sad and tired, and replaced it with a glad and fresh one. I love how he says I will lie down in peace and sleep, especially because this has been an aspect of my wellbeing that has suffered at times- just getting to sleep and not ruminating on all sorts of things as I'm trying to wind down each day. And finally, it's good to acknowledge that it is God, and God only that makes me dwell in safety...in the safety of His arms, His presence, His covering. 

Lord, thank you for the psalmist who so beautifully captured your heart- for Him, for your people, and for me. 

Amen xxx

An assortment of notes from the psalms

Here are some of the notes I've been making as I've studied the Psalms (but haven't posted until now)

21.7.24

 “For You formed my inward parts; You covered me in my mother’s womb.”

‭‭Psalms‬ ‭139:13‬ ‭NKJV‬‬

God has always had us covered. He formed us. Our inward parts. And he covered us. Wow. This refers not only metaphorically but also literally. The internal organs form and then over time the layers of skin form. Gods plans for us are amazing. We don’t always understand them but I guess we can’t comprehend just how vast His thoughts for us are. 

“How precious also are Your thoughts to me, O God! How great is the sum of them!”
‭‭Psalms‬ ‭139:17‬ ‭NKJV‬‬

God you know where things are right now. I trust in you. You are the ultimate weaver of people. 

Love you so much
Amen 

22.7.24

“Search me, O God, and know my heart; Try me, and know my anxieties; And see if there is any wicked way in me, And lead me in the way everlasting.”
‭‭Psalms‬ ‭139:23-24‬ ‭NKJV‬‬

Anxieties. Don’t I know it. It’s been something I have been struggling with at times over the last few years. Presenting themselves in different ways. I love how in this scripture the writer is inviting God to try him out so that God will know his anxieties. These anxieties are in our hearts. I think what he’s saying is for God to check out what’s going on. Maybe just as a doctor would examine ones heart. Check out if there’s anything going on there that would indeed cause you to be anxious. Sort the actual causes from the imagined ones. 
This scripture is reminding me to ask God about what’s going on in my heart, especially when I’m too overwhelmed or maybe even blinded by what’s happening to or around me to realise. It’s saying go to Him. He’ll be able to show you what’s up and if there’s anything that’s hindering your walk with Him. Lord thank you for loving me/us so much that no matter how big or small, you’ve got us. You’ve got us covered. You’ve got us when we need your revelation. 

“You have hedged me behind and before, And laid Your hand upon me.”
‭‭Psalms‬ ‭139:5‬ ‭NKJV‬‬

You have us covered and under that covering you allow me to just cast those anxieties unto you and remind me that much of the things I worry about is not from you. You affirm to me that I can trust in you. 

Thank you Lord. Bless you heaps xxx

23.7.24

“But his delight is in the law of the LORD, And in His law he meditates day and night. He shall be like a tree Planted by the rivers of water, That brings forth its fruit in its season, Whose leaf also shall not wither; And whatever he does shall prosper.”
‭‭Psalms‬ ‭1:2-3‬ ‭NKJV‬‬

Such a great reminder of dwelling in His word. Consistently meditating on it day and night. Plant me by your river of life. Let it flow over and through me. I pray that in the seasons to come the fruits of my prayer life, my relationship and dependence on God will be there for my loved ones and the generations to come. Thank you for your word Lord. May it be blessed unto my body, your body- your people forever and ever. Amen🥰

24.7.24

““I will declare the decree: The LORD has said to Me, ‘You are My Son, Today I have begotten You. Ask of Me, and I will give You The nations for Your inheritance, And the ends of the earth for Your possession.”
‭‭Psalms‬ ‭2:7-8‬ ‭NKJV‬‬ 

Get up. Stand and take your place. The Lord has given His children the nations as our inheritance, and everywhere on earth to take possession. 

zzzzzzz

25.7.24

As I wrote this I must have then laid down and snoozed. I’m not sure if that was a caution to me to take heed of what God is prompting me to think about or just the fact that I was really tired. Probably both I imagine. 

In this psalm the writer is talking about the state of the world, what’s going on in the nations and in peoples hearts. But then it implores the reader to know their place and more importantly who has placed them and for what purpose. The psalm concludes: 

“Serve the LORD with fear, And rejoice with trembling. Kiss the Son, lest He be angry, And you perish in the way, When His wrath is kindled but a little. Blessed are all those who put their trust in Him.”
‭‭Psalms‬ ‭2:11-12‬ ‭NKJV‬‬

A recent conference message was about not just loving God, but also fearing Him. Fearing meaning having reverence for Him. 

Lord I trust you. Continue to help me leave my trust in you as I put it there. Sometimes I can get distracted and downhearted but you Lord remind me of who I am in you. Thank you for your reminder that as I revere you- as I look upon and gaze at your face/at your word, you reveal yourself- all you are and all I am and can be, and I am home. 
Amen

27.3.24

“But You, O LORD, are a shield for me, My glory and the One who lifts up my head. I cried to the LORD with my voice, And He heard me from His holy hill. Selah

The psalmist cries out to God about the persecution he is receiving from those around him. And then there's that good ole BUT. But, You O LORD are a shield....He acknowledges that despite all that is going on around him and against him. None of that matters because he is saved, and he is God's own. God protects us. He is the one that lifts up our head, to not be defeated but to walk tall in the full knowledge that he hears our cries, his listens to us from on high and His blessings are upon us. His people.

Salvation belongs to the LORD. Your blessing is upon Your people. Selah”
‭‭Psalms‬ ‭3:3-4, 8‬ ‭NKJV‬‬

God you are our salvation. We belong to you o Lord. Thank you for your blessing upon us. May you be blessed always.

Amen xxx

Psalm 139:15

Psalm 139:15 My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.

I'm starting a study on the Psalms. Actually I'm retraining myself, disciplining myself to get into God's word again. I've been away from it for too long now. I know some of the scriptures and I'm able to draw on these often, but I know that God wants me to come to Him, to know Him and not just know of Him through His word. Because I have not been delving into God's word as I used to, I started to feel guilty about not spending enough time with him...and then I would 'ghost' Him (as the kids say these days). But as I talked with God, He reminded me that He's not demanding or forceful. He's expectant, loving, and with me....well, He is patient (thanks God- I really appreciate it!). I really appreciate God's faithfulness, even and especially because I'm not always faithful to my end of our relationship, i.e. coming to Him and finding out what He has in store for my life, and those who I love and care for- His people.

Anyway, I digress, but I feel I needed to let you/ me know the context of this study. I spoke to God and said, "I just don't know where to start?! I feel like I've been away from your word for such a long time"; and this is where He led me to. Start with the Psalms. The songs that were in someone's heart, who also went through stuff and had to hold on to God and figure things out and cry out, celebrate, anticipate and mostly just sing through their situations, knowing that God was listening. God was loving them. He was loving them throughout it all. 

I returned to Psalm 139 because in my walk with God, when I came to know Him as a follower of Christ, this Psalm was given to me, by both God Himself and significant people who ministered to me at that time. This Psalm confirmed for me that God made me. Uniquely made me, specifically as me and no one else. He designed my life and destined me to have a purpose in His kingdom. He used this Psalm to confirm that He had indeed called me and that He was real. That He wanted to be real to me, to have a relationship and not be this distant, far away God that sat on a throne and was waiting for judgement day or something like that. I mean I know now that He is seated in Heavenly places, but actually, as this Psalm says, He is everywhere. And He is everywhere that matters, everywhere that is relevant and related to you, because that's what a loving relationship with Him is. He is there for you. He is here for us.

So, I woke up this morning and read Psalm 139, and the scripture I was drawn to was Ps139:15- the bit about being woven. The word woven, the end result of being weaved together, resonated with me. I immediately thought about a whakatauki (Maori proverb) that we've been talking about this year and even this week, i.e. Whiria te tangata- weave the people together. Whiria means to weave. I used to play netball for a team called Whiria. Most of the team were either Maori or Pasifika. At the time I didn't think about what the name meant. But this morning as I thought about that, I remember learning so much that netball season. Much about myself, because it was the first time that I'd had really good coaching and I wanted to excel for myself and also for the team. I played in positions that I'd never really had positive experiences in, i.e. defence- but what I learned in defence, actually helped me in my attack game. That season, I learned how not to be intimidated, but to stand my ground. I discovered that I was a really good encourager, and how that encouraging others and my ability to analyse game play and knowing others strengths and what they brought to the team- these were all things that confirmed the way God had shaped me as a leader. I wasn't the fittest or fastest in the team, not by a long shot. But I think I was the most faithful in terms of wanting to learn. Wanting to progress and improve over the season. 

God is a weaver. When I looked up the word Whiria, it said, 'to twist, to weave', and Whiri is a three strand cord or rope, like a handle on a kete (basket). God weaves us together. Individually and corporately. God I think you are reminding me that I can follow your example. To know that it is You who have woven me. You have made me who I am. As you've said in your word: Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be; Ps 139:16. God it is You who weaves the people, and it is through You that the people will be woven together for Your purpose, Your glory. And as I'm called, particularly reminded this year of that whakatauki, Whiria te tangata, it's timely that I'm reminded about how and more importantly Who leads me and equips me to do such a thing. 

Lord thank you for your word. For your teaching and the love you have for me/ us that never gives up on us, even though we stray and get lost, you definitely come and search for us. You not only search for me, but you search me as in this Psalm, and you lead me in the way everlasting. Lord, thank you for this teaching. Lead me in the way everlasting. Amen.

Saved

I just wanted to write something

But I didn’t know what

And I didn’t know how

There it sat

Not dormant

Just bubbling away

Below the surface

How do you squash down

Suffocation or at least attempts to

Past the tears

Until your throat fills with silence

And your chest expands and then shrivels

And it reaches the pit of your stomach

Paralyses you to the soles of your feet

Where you can no longer walk where your mind goes

Or talk where your heart is at

And darkness falls over your eyes, around your shoulders

And you are lost

For words

For who

You were

I wanted to hear something

But I didn’t know what

And I didn’t know who

And I didn’t know how

And I didn’t know you

But you did

You knew what I needed to say

What I needed to hear

You knew what

You knew who

You knew how

And I came to know you

Amen

  

Letting go

Right now, Rose is walking through Wellington City to meet her friends from last years Outward Bound group. Walking on her own I might add and it's getting a bit dark. I'm praying that she will be safe and arrive at her destination- a cafe in the city, without anything to impact on her wellbeing. I sit here on the couch and think- Please God protect my daughter and let her have an amazing time with her friends...even though I want to run down and follow her all the way, I just have to trust that she will be okay, and that she is growing up and needs to have her independence. She's a sensible girl..somewhat too trusting of people, but that's not a totally bad thing in itself. I guess I just always want her to keep her wits about her and be sensible.
I'm going to text her in a minute and just say, have a great time and text me when you are safely with your friends. Rose knows to contact me if she is worried and to go to a shop if she feels someone is following her or that she is in an unsafe situation.
It's hard to let go sometimes, but to hold on too tight isn't good either.
Lord take care of Rose:)
Amen

There is only room for ONE BIG C

My Dad is going for his consultation appointment this coming Tuesday. He's just had one slow growing cancer cut out above his ear...there's still a bit in there, and an aggressive one cut out of his cheek. For these he needs radiotherapy to zap/ blast any remnants of that cancer. We don't quite know what that might involve, but Tuesday's the day and my siblings and I travel together to take Dad and Mum off to Waikato Hospital to get all the details.
The other night I was thinking...you know it wasn't so long ago that I was a kid and my Dad was taking me off to the doctors. I was a bit teary thinking about this role reversal. Thinking about how my Dad would mostly be the one taking me as my Mum was pretty much a full-time working mother when I was going to school, and it was Dad that took the days off, or took me to work with him, popping into the doctors on the way.
My Dad loved/ loves me so much. It is crazy to think about him being sick, like really sick...and even the possibility, well the inevitability of him dying. I've always been close to my Dad. Even when he has been mean to me, or he's let his temper get the better of him. The thing is with my Dad- what you see is what you get. He's not from a culture, like the Samoan culture...or maybe that is just my mothers family...where you worry about what others think, or keeping up appearances, etc. My Dad just is who he is. There is no pretence, and I think that is what made me feel safe as a kid. I always knew that my Dad would just be my Dad. Don't get me wrong...my Dad had a very bad temper. I think now he is too old for that sh$%# as he would say. And swearing...every second word. It's still something I struggle with today...trying not to swear like the way I was immersed in that language growing up. But with my Dad (and Mum too)...there was never any doubt that I was loved. I never had to wonder or guess. I always knew.
My Dad has always prided himself on not getting any of the ailments of his siblings who often had a variety of things going on in their health. Things like heart attacks, cancer, diabetes etc. Dad had none of these until now. And I think it's hit home for him that he's not immortal, and that he is coming into those latter years of life. "Cancer aye...who would have thought..." [me is probably what he's thinking]. But I'm mindful of dwelling on 'The Big C'. As I was thinking about that, I felt the holy spirit prompting me..."There is only room for ONE Big C here" and that is Christ. So, I know that through all of this, I am going to try (in my spiritual strength that He gives me) to focus on Him...The Big C, and to minimise or take any focus off that cancer. To recognise that if this situation allows us to come together as a family, to share God's plan for Dad and our family, to bring His hope, His peace and His love to my family...then I am going to rejoice in Him. I am going to put my trust in Him. I am going to give Him the honour and the glory, for it belongs to Him.
To my Heavenly Father...thanks for your healing, your love and your amazing plans for my earthly one. How blessed am I with the fathers that I have.
Bless you Lord
Bless you Dad xx

BEAUTIFUL Goals 2016

BEAUTIFUL goals....

Waking up to God everyday and just discovering what He has in store for me- then partnering with Him and watching what He does and being blessed to be part of His beautiful plans:)
Seeking His will for where He wants me to be, what He wants me to do and where He is taking me next...and appreciating the beauty of all He does in this process of creating me to become like Him, Beautiful

Feeling good about putting my own needs first so that in the end I can do what He has called me to do. Eating healthily and exercising daily. Having a beautiful feeling in my heart that I am as I should be. Looking more beautiful as I become healthier physically, emotionally and spiritually;

Enjoying my beautiful husband, our beautiful marriage and encouraging Malcolm to be healthy and well too.

Enjoying my beautiful children. Making my family beautiful meals and just having a great time with them. Enjoying planning Aimee's wedding and supporting them all through the year, as Olivia finishes Uni and Rose finishes school.

Cherishing beautiful time with my extended family and friends.

Appreciating the church family I belong to, joining a life group and seeing what beautiful things God is up to in our lives together and encouraging and supporting the beautiful elders and leaders in the house, and all those in their own ministry.

Creating a beautiful wedding, downstairs kitchen and whittling away our mortgage. Enjoying a beautiful break overseas later in the year.

Creating a beautiful garden and home ready for Aimee's wedding. This includes finishing the kitchen and painting the house- windows, etc. Decluttering to leave the beauty and serenity of space and order.

Enjoying learning outside of my work setting and thinking about the future of education. Keeping an online record of my learning and reflections and using this to further my own and others learning. Embracing the future of learning and how this can create beautiful lives;

Continually creating a beautiful learning place and relationships that bring out the beauty in ourselves and others. Creating a beautiful Year 7/8 programme, boundaries that support but don't limit others.