Psalm 4

 I'm really enjoying studying God's word. Like just being with God as he illuminates various aspects of scripture, like he's just pointing out things specifically for me as his child. Things he wants me to know, to learn. Things he wants me to really take a hold of for my own good. It's like He's just so happy to have me back exploring all that He has in store for me. I'm sorry Lord for not being there when you were so patiently waiting for me. I hope the wait is worth it (You are worth it I can hear him saying to me). You are worth it Lord. You are worthy, full stop! 

Anyway, Psalm 4....

...Mediate within your heart on your bed, and be still.

...Put your trust in the Lord

...You have put gladness in my heart

...I will both lie down in peace, and sleep;

...For You alone, O Lord, make me dwell in safety

These words bring me great comfort and speak directly to where I am at right now. I'm on my bed, sitting here meditating on all that He is teaching me in His word. He keeps prompting me to put my trust in Him. It is God who has actually put gladness in my heart. It's there. I don't have to strive or seek it outside of myself. It is God himself who has placed that gladness right into my heart. Like a surgeon who has extracted the old valve that was sad and tired, and replaced it with a glad and fresh one. I love how he says I will lie down in peace and sleep, especially because this has been an aspect of my wellbeing that has suffered at times- just getting to sleep and not ruminating on all sorts of things as I'm trying to wind down each day. And finally, it's good to acknowledge that it is God, and God only that makes me dwell in safety...in the safety of His arms, His presence, His covering. 

Lord, thank you for the psalmist who so beautifully captured your heart- for Him, for your people, and for me. 

Amen xxx

An assortment of notes from the psalms

Here are some of the notes I've been making as I've studied the Psalms (but haven't posted until now)

21.7.24

 “For You formed my inward parts; You covered me in my mother’s womb.”

‭‭Psalms‬ ‭139:13‬ ‭NKJV‬‬

God has always had us covered. He formed us. Our inward parts. And he covered us. Wow. This refers not only metaphorically but also literally. The internal organs form and then over time the layers of skin form. Gods plans for us are amazing. We don’t always understand them but I guess we can’t comprehend just how vast His thoughts for us are. 

“How precious also are Your thoughts to me, O God! How great is the sum of them!”
‭‭Psalms‬ ‭139:17‬ ‭NKJV‬‬

God you know where things are right now. I trust in you. You are the ultimate weaver of people. 

Love you so much
Amen 

22.7.24

“Search me, O God, and know my heart; Try me, and know my anxieties; And see if there is any wicked way in me, And lead me in the way everlasting.”
‭‭Psalms‬ ‭139:23-24‬ ‭NKJV‬‬

Anxieties. Don’t I know it. It’s been something I have been struggling with at times over the last few years. Presenting themselves in different ways. I love how in this scripture the writer is inviting God to try him out so that God will know his anxieties. These anxieties are in our hearts. I think what he’s saying is for God to check out what’s going on. Maybe just as a doctor would examine ones heart. Check out if there’s anything going on there that would indeed cause you to be anxious. Sort the actual causes from the imagined ones. 
This scripture is reminding me to ask God about what’s going on in my heart, especially when I’m too overwhelmed or maybe even blinded by what’s happening to or around me to realise. It’s saying go to Him. He’ll be able to show you what’s up and if there’s anything that’s hindering your walk with Him. Lord thank you for loving me/us so much that no matter how big or small, you’ve got us. You’ve got us covered. You’ve got us when we need your revelation. 

“You have hedged me behind and before, And laid Your hand upon me.”
‭‭Psalms‬ ‭139:5‬ ‭NKJV‬‬

You have us covered and under that covering you allow me to just cast those anxieties unto you and remind me that much of the things I worry about is not from you. You affirm to me that I can trust in you. 

Thank you Lord. Bless you heaps xxx

23.7.24

“But his delight is in the law of the LORD, And in His law he meditates day and night. He shall be like a tree Planted by the rivers of water, That brings forth its fruit in its season, Whose leaf also shall not wither; And whatever he does shall prosper.”
‭‭Psalms‬ ‭1:2-3‬ ‭NKJV‬‬

Such a great reminder of dwelling in His word. Consistently meditating on it day and night. Plant me by your river of life. Let it flow over and through me. I pray that in the seasons to come the fruits of my prayer life, my relationship and dependence on God will be there for my loved ones and the generations to come. Thank you for your word Lord. May it be blessed unto my body, your body- your people forever and ever. Amen🥰

24.7.24

““I will declare the decree: The LORD has said to Me, ‘You are My Son, Today I have begotten You. Ask of Me, and I will give You The nations for Your inheritance, And the ends of the earth for Your possession.”
‭‭Psalms‬ ‭2:7-8‬ ‭NKJV‬‬ 

Get up. Stand and take your place. The Lord has given His children the nations as our inheritance, and everywhere on earth to take possession. 

zzzzzzz

25.7.24

As I wrote this I must have then laid down and snoozed. I’m not sure if that was a caution to me to take heed of what God is prompting me to think about or just the fact that I was really tired. Probably both I imagine. 

In this psalm the writer is talking about the state of the world, what’s going on in the nations and in peoples hearts. But then it implores the reader to know their place and more importantly who has placed them and for what purpose. The psalm concludes: 

“Serve the LORD with fear, And rejoice with trembling. Kiss the Son, lest He be angry, And you perish in the way, When His wrath is kindled but a little. Blessed are all those who put their trust in Him.”
‭‭Psalms‬ ‭2:11-12‬ ‭NKJV‬‬

A recent conference message was about not just loving God, but also fearing Him. Fearing meaning having reverence for Him. 

Lord I trust you. Continue to help me leave my trust in you as I put it there. Sometimes I can get distracted and downhearted but you Lord remind me of who I am in you. Thank you for your reminder that as I revere you- as I look upon and gaze at your face/at your word, you reveal yourself- all you are and all I am and can be, and I am home. 
Amen

27.3.24

“But You, O LORD, are a shield for me, My glory and the One who lifts up my head. I cried to the LORD with my voice, And He heard me from His holy hill. Selah

The psalmist cries out to God about the persecution he is receiving from those around him. And then there's that good ole BUT. But, You O LORD are a shield....He acknowledges that despite all that is going on around him and against him. None of that matters because he is saved, and he is God's own. God protects us. He is the one that lifts up our head, to not be defeated but to walk tall in the full knowledge that he hears our cries, his listens to us from on high and His blessings are upon us. His people.

Salvation belongs to the LORD. Your blessing is upon Your people. Selah”
‭‭Psalms‬ ‭3:3-4, 8‬ ‭NKJV‬‬

God you are our salvation. We belong to you o Lord. Thank you for your blessing upon us. May you be blessed always.

Amen xxx

Psalm 139:15

Psalm 139:15 My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.

I'm starting a study on the Psalms. Actually I'm retraining myself, disciplining myself to get into God's word again. I've been away from it for too long now. I know some of the scriptures and I'm able to draw on these often, but I know that God wants me to come to Him, to know Him and not just know of Him through His word. Because I have not been delving into God's word as I used to, I started to feel guilty about not spending enough time with him...and then I would 'ghost' Him (as the kids say these days). But as I talked with God, He reminded me that He's not demanding or forceful. He's expectant, loving, and with me....well, He is patient (thanks God- I really appreciate it!). I really appreciate God's faithfulness, even and especially because I'm not always faithful to my end of our relationship, i.e. coming to Him and finding out what He has in store for my life, and those who I love and care for- His people.

Anyway, I digress, but I feel I needed to let you/ me know the context of this study. I spoke to God and said, "I just don't know where to start?! I feel like I've been away from your word for such a long time"; and this is where He led me to. Start with the Psalms. The songs that were in someone's heart, who also went through stuff and had to hold on to God and figure things out and cry out, celebrate, anticipate and mostly just sing through their situations, knowing that God was listening. God was loving them. He was loving them throughout it all. 

I returned to Psalm 139 because in my walk with God, when I came to know Him as a follower of Christ, this Psalm was given to me, by both God Himself and significant people who ministered to me at that time. This Psalm confirmed for me that God made me. Uniquely made me, specifically as me and no one else. He designed my life and destined me to have a purpose in His kingdom. He used this Psalm to confirm that He had indeed called me and that He was real. That He wanted to be real to me, to have a relationship and not be this distant, far away God that sat on a throne and was waiting for judgement day or something like that. I mean I know now that He is seated in Heavenly places, but actually, as this Psalm says, He is everywhere. And He is everywhere that matters, everywhere that is relevant and related to you, because that's what a loving relationship with Him is. He is there for you. He is here for us.

So, I woke up this morning and read Psalm 139, and the scripture I was drawn to was Ps139:15- the bit about being woven. The word woven, the end result of being weaved together, resonated with me. I immediately thought about a whakatauki (Maori proverb) that we've been talking about this year and even this week, i.e. Whiria te tangata- weave the people together. Whiria means to weave. I used to play netball for a team called Whiria. Most of the team were either Maori or Pasifika. At the time I didn't think about what the name meant. But this morning as I thought about that, I remember learning so much that netball season. Much about myself, because it was the first time that I'd had really good coaching and I wanted to excel for myself and also for the team. I played in positions that I'd never really had positive experiences in, i.e. defence- but what I learned in defence, actually helped me in my attack game. That season, I learned how not to be intimidated, but to stand my ground. I discovered that I was a really good encourager, and how that encouraging others and my ability to analyse game play and knowing others strengths and what they brought to the team- these were all things that confirmed the way God had shaped me as a leader. I wasn't the fittest or fastest in the team, not by a long shot. But I think I was the most faithful in terms of wanting to learn. Wanting to progress and improve over the season. 

God is a weaver. When I looked up the word Whiria, it said, 'to twist, to weave', and Whiri is a three strand cord or rope, like a handle on a kete (basket). God weaves us together. Individually and corporately. God I think you are reminding me that I can follow your example. To know that it is You who have woven me. You have made me who I am. As you've said in your word: Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be; Ps 139:16. God it is You who weaves the people, and it is through You that the people will be woven together for Your purpose, Your glory. And as I'm called, particularly reminded this year of that whakatauki, Whiria te tangata, it's timely that I'm reminded about how and more importantly Who leads me and equips me to do such a thing. 

Lord thank you for your word. For your teaching and the love you have for me/ us that never gives up on us, even though we stray and get lost, you definitely come and search for us. You not only search for me, but you search me as in this Psalm, and you lead me in the way everlasting. Lord, thank you for this teaching. Lead me in the way everlasting. Amen.

Saved

I just wanted to write something

But I didn’t know what

And I didn’t know how

There it sat

Not dormant

Just bubbling away

Below the surface

How do you squash down

Suffocation or at least attempts to

Past the tears

Until your throat fills with silence

And your chest expands and then shrivels

And it reaches the pit of your stomach

Paralyses you to the soles of your feet

Where you can no longer walk where your mind goes

Or talk where your heart is at

And darkness falls over your eyes, around your shoulders

And you are lost

For words

For who

You were

I wanted to hear something

But I didn’t know what

And I didn’t know who

And I didn’t know how

And I didn’t know you

But you did

You knew what I needed to say

What I needed to hear

You knew what

You knew who

You knew how

And I came to know you

Amen

  

Letting go

Right now, Rose is walking through Wellington City to meet her friends from last years Outward Bound group. Walking on her own I might add and it's getting a bit dark. I'm praying that she will be safe and arrive at her destination- a cafe in the city, without anything to impact on her wellbeing. I sit here on the couch and think- Please God protect my daughter and let her have an amazing time with her friends...even though I want to run down and follow her all the way, I just have to trust that she will be okay, and that she is growing up and needs to have her independence. She's a sensible girl..somewhat too trusting of people, but that's not a totally bad thing in itself. I guess I just always want her to keep her wits about her and be sensible.
I'm going to text her in a minute and just say, have a great time and text me when you are safely with your friends. Rose knows to contact me if she is worried and to go to a shop if she feels someone is following her or that she is in an unsafe situation.
It's hard to let go sometimes, but to hold on too tight isn't good either.
Lord take care of Rose:)
Amen

There is only room for ONE BIG C

My Dad is going for his consultation appointment this coming Tuesday. He's just had one slow growing cancer cut out above his ear...there's still a bit in there, and an aggressive one cut out of his cheek. For these he needs radiotherapy to zap/ blast any remnants of that cancer. We don't quite know what that might involve, but Tuesday's the day and my siblings and I travel together to take Dad and Mum off to Waikato Hospital to get all the details.
The other night I was thinking...you know it wasn't so long ago that I was a kid and my Dad was taking me off to the doctors. I was a bit teary thinking about this role reversal. Thinking about how my Dad would mostly be the one taking me as my Mum was pretty much a full-time working mother when I was going to school, and it was Dad that took the days off, or took me to work with him, popping into the doctors on the way.
My Dad loved/ loves me so much. It is crazy to think about him being sick, like really sick...and even the possibility, well the inevitability of him dying. I've always been close to my Dad. Even when he has been mean to me, or he's let his temper get the better of him. The thing is with my Dad- what you see is what you get. He's not from a culture, like the Samoan culture...or maybe that is just my mothers family...where you worry about what others think, or keeping up appearances, etc. My Dad just is who he is. There is no pretence, and I think that is what made me feel safe as a kid. I always knew that my Dad would just be my Dad. Don't get me wrong...my Dad had a very bad temper. I think now he is too old for that sh$%# as he would say. And swearing...every second word. It's still something I struggle with today...trying not to swear like the way I was immersed in that language growing up. But with my Dad (and Mum too)...there was never any doubt that I was loved. I never had to wonder or guess. I always knew.
My Dad has always prided himself on not getting any of the ailments of his siblings who often had a variety of things going on in their health. Things like heart attacks, cancer, diabetes etc. Dad had none of these until now. And I think it's hit home for him that he's not immortal, and that he is coming into those latter years of life. "Cancer aye...who would have thought..." [me is probably what he's thinking]. But I'm mindful of dwelling on 'The Big C'. As I was thinking about that, I felt the holy spirit prompting me..."There is only room for ONE Big C here" and that is Christ. So, I know that through all of this, I am going to try (in my spiritual strength that He gives me) to focus on Him...The Big C, and to minimise or take any focus off that cancer. To recognise that if this situation allows us to come together as a family, to share God's plan for Dad and our family, to bring His hope, His peace and His love to my family...then I am going to rejoice in Him. I am going to put my trust in Him. I am going to give Him the honour and the glory, for it belongs to Him.
To my Heavenly Father...thanks for your healing, your love and your amazing plans for my earthly one. How blessed am I with the fathers that I have.
Bless you Lord
Bless you Dad xx

BEAUTIFUL Goals 2016

BEAUTIFUL goals....

Waking up to God everyday and just discovering what He has in store for me- then partnering with Him and watching what He does and being blessed to be part of His beautiful plans:)
Seeking His will for where He wants me to be, what He wants me to do and where He is taking me next...and appreciating the beauty of all He does in this process of creating me to become like Him, Beautiful

Feeling good about putting my own needs first so that in the end I can do what He has called me to do. Eating healthily and exercising daily. Having a beautiful feeling in my heart that I am as I should be. Looking more beautiful as I become healthier physically, emotionally and spiritually;

Enjoying my beautiful husband, our beautiful marriage and encouraging Malcolm to be healthy and well too.

Enjoying my beautiful children. Making my family beautiful meals and just having a great time with them. Enjoying planning Aimee's wedding and supporting them all through the year, as Olivia finishes Uni and Rose finishes school.

Cherishing beautiful time with my extended family and friends.

Appreciating the church family I belong to, joining a life group and seeing what beautiful things God is up to in our lives together and encouraging and supporting the beautiful elders and leaders in the house, and all those in their own ministry.

Creating a beautiful wedding, downstairs kitchen and whittling away our mortgage. Enjoying a beautiful break overseas later in the year.

Creating a beautiful garden and home ready for Aimee's wedding. This includes finishing the kitchen and painting the house- windows, etc. Decluttering to leave the beauty and serenity of space and order.

Enjoying learning outside of my work setting and thinking about the future of education. Keeping an online record of my learning and reflections and using this to further my own and others learning. Embracing the future of learning and how this can create beautiful lives;

Continually creating a beautiful learning place and relationships that bring out the beauty in ourselves and others. Creating a beautiful Year 7/8 programme, boundaries that support but don't limit others.

Well done good and faithful servant

Today I attended the final service of Father Mark Beale as his congregation and community farewelled him on his retirement. Well actually it was a farewell for both him and his wife Barbara. I'd forgotten how much of the service in an Anglican church, like the Methodist church that I grew up in, includes quite a bit of ceremony. And it wasn't just that this was a special occasion for the church, although I'm sure there was some of that...but quite a bit of time is taken up with rituals. Anyway, I kind of enjoyed the change and it was good to see so many faces from the past and from around our school/ Clendon community.
What came to me in thinking about all of the things shared about Mark's work in the community in his role as a pastor/ minister/ father, is that you've just got to do what He has called you to do and do it in faith, and in service. A good servant is one who will do what is needed, what is before them, even if they don't always want to in the physical sense...but they know they have been called and they know that He doesn't just ask of us for no good reason. I don't know if when I leave Roscommon after having been there for so long if I want to hear the accolades of the work, His work that I have been a part of...but I guess it's in glorifying Him and all that He does and can do through his faithful servants, that when we look back on this work...we see Him and His purpose, His glory...and that is what a good an faithful servant does...glorifies God. Funnily enough, the song that played quite a bit throughout the service was 'Glorify'..."Glorified, glorified...let your name be lifted up and glorified. Let the earth, tremble at your name. Let your name be lifted up and GLORIFIED".
In a lifetimes work and over a long period, I guess one can work that out...that is our selfish nature as we learn to become more servant like, Christ like...we don't start out always good or totally faithful. I know I was far from those things and often find myself having to learn to be a better person and less doubtful on His call for my life. But as I step out in faith and I trust Him with my life and to lead me, I know I am continuing to become more like him...good and faithful. God is always good and always faithful. And for that, I am truly grateful. Amen

Goals

Relationship goals

With God- read His word daily and meditate on it. Wait on Him, listen and enact what He is saying;

With myself- look after my health and wellbeing. Make this a priority. Make sure I am looked after.

With Malcolm- just enjoy and encourage who he is;

With my children/ our family- take care of their health too; learn to cook some new healthy meals; go easy and enjoy this year with Aimee's wedding coming up, and the last year for both Olivia at uni and Rose at school, plan for more family times and times of fellowship/ prayer;

With my extended family- enjoy the times we are together;

With my finances- the wedding, a new kitchen downstairs, mortgage repayments and one overseas holiday;

With my home- garden and outside ready for wedding; finish upstairs kitchen, painting of house next summer;

With my learning- complete Mindlab course, set up online record of learning and reflections;

With my work- establish Year 7/8 education, organisation for a bigger school; boundaries established and enforced.

With my church family- join a life group, keep supporting my girls in their youth work, pray and encourage others in their ministry.

Now if I was to write these as BEAUTIFUL goals....

Waking up to God everyday and just discovering what He has in store for me- then partnering with Him and watching what He does and being blessed to be part of His beautiful plans:)
Seeking His will for where He wants me to be, what He wants me to do and where He is taking me next...and appreciating the beauty of all He does in this process of creating me to become like Him, Beautiful

Feeling good about putting my own needs first so that in the end I can do what He has called me to do. Eating healthily and exercising daily. Having a beautiful feeling in my heart that I am as I should be. Looking more beautiful as I become healthier physically, emotionally and spiritually;

Enjoying my beautiful husband, our beautiful marriage and encouraging Malcolm to be healthy and well too.

Enjoying my beautiful children. Making my family beautiful meals and just having a great time with them. Enjoying planning Aimee's wedding and supporting them all through the year, as Olivia finishes Uni and Rose finishes school.

Cherishing beautiful time with my extended family and friends.

Appreciating the church family I belong to, joining a life group and seeing what beautiful things God is up to in our lives together and encouraging and supporting the beautiful elders and leaders in the house, and all those in their own ministry.

Creating a beautiful wedding, downstairs kitchen and whittling away our mortgage. Enjoying a beautiful break overseas later in the year.

Creating a beautiful garden and home ready for Aimee's wedding. This includes finishing the kitchen and painting the house- windows, etc. Decluttering to leave the beauty and serenity of space and order.

Enjoying learning outside of my work setting and thinking about the future of education. Keeping an online record of my learning and reflections and using this to further my own and others learning. Embracing the future of learning and how this can create beautiful lives;

Continually creating a beautiful learning place and relationships that bring out the beauty in ourselves and others. Creating a beautiful Year 7/8 programme, boundaries that support but don't limit others.

How to live a beautiful life

2016. I haven't formally recorded my goals for this year. They include things like Aimee's wedding, finishing my Mindlab Course, various projects for school, health and wellbeing...but I'm not really going to write about that here at this point in time. The relevance of mentioning these things is that so far this year, God's been showing me about BEAUTY. Something He showed me at the end of last year was...when we look at something of beauty, there's complexity in the creation and existence of that beauty. Beauty is when that complexity seems so easy, simple, and we think that it just is. But there is creation behind that simplicity. Complexity behind that simplicity. And that is what makes it all the more beautiful. It got me thinking about beauty and the thought of 'How to live a beautiful life' came into my mind. All this year, God's been showing me that in the complex web of activity, living, life, experiences, however you put it...beauty is within and beyond that.
I thought to myself...am I living a beautiful life. One thing I know is it sure is complex. Complicated. And sometimes I can't make any sense of it. But I know that God in His infinite wisdom and goodness...He makes things beautiful.
I know He has more to show me about this beautiful life. I'm encouraged that He has made me perfect, and He will continue to perfect me. Or in other words, He has beautifully made me, and will continue to bring out His beauty in me. As the psalmist said "He has fearfully and wonderfully made me, this I know full well".
I will continue to meditate on this word. And of course enjoy the beauty of His blessings, and those to come.
Amen

What drives you?

It's not WHAT drives you, but WHO drives you?
All our questions- WHAT, WHY, HOW...it all comes back to WHO.

Space Distractions

Yesterday I woke up and got myself and Rose off to the Tuesday morning 6am prayer meeting. Two words that were on my heart leading up to this meeting was 'distraction' and 'space'. The Lord was showing me that one of the enemy's greatest weapons is to use distractions to take us off our focus on Him; to take us away from what and where He has called us to do and be. If he can just lure us away, temptations, he knows he has opened up the way to get lost again. It's so easy isn't it. This can happen so subtly that we don't even see it coming until it's too late and we have wondered off. It can happen in so many different areas of our lives. For me it's my smartphone. Sometimes I just can't help but look at it to see what is happening in the news, what is happening on Facebook, what the time is in London, what the weather is in Honolulu...and the list goes on. I think it has the potential to reduce my focus and concentration span as there is such a large array of things that I could be looking at on the smartphone that I might just stop looking more intensely into something that I should be focusing on. My attention is being drawn on in all directions.
So what am I to do about that? Boundaries. Prayer. Focus. Stand. Fight. Be. Healing.
Space: our church has created a video on their website that promotes that there is space for everyone in our church. The Lord has shown me that this space is not just in the physical spaces of the church building or the carpark. It's not even about carving out space in the way we run our services. It's about a space in the kingdom. It's about a space, that once declared as one's own, then becomes your place. It's about creating space within our hearts for those who need to come and be loved and cared for. It's about space to breath and feel like you are not going to suffocate because there is no more space for air. This week there have been a few articles or just little things around creating space within your life in order for you to breath and feel like you can have room for yourself and others. They've been about 'decluttering' your space, in order for you to let go of unnecessary things in your space, in your life. Sometimes we hold on and build up, and those things suffocate us in the end. They drain the very life out of us. Perhaps this is a word for the church. Just like what someone prophesied...there will be things that we will just stop doing, just because it has become a habit- but if it is not serving THE purpose, then why continue? It's a word for me personally- this I know.
The relationship between space and distraction is this. Sometimes people can fill up their space with distractions. We can feel uncomfortable with all this space (in our homes, diets, time, hearts...), because without the clutter- we have nothing to fluff around about, nothing to moan about, nothing to say "I'm just so busy/ bogged down/ overwhelmed". Without the clutter there is just a 'me and Him' and a 'me and you'.
So what does this mean for me. I need to make space in my life. To declutter and to prioritise what is important that gets left there and what gets moved out or moving on from.
My priorities are:
Relationship with Father God;
Relationship with myself- my own health and wellbeing...yikes this has been at the bottom of the list for so long...hmmmm
Marriage
My kids, our family
Family- extended
Church- oops, haven't really prioritised this for a while
Work
Friends, Social life

I'm going to pray about this more. Lord help me in turning away from distractions (temptations). Lead me in the way everlasting.
For thine is the kingdom, the power and the glory FOREVER and ever
Amen

Prayer Advance 12 Days of Prayer

Today we start our 12 Days of Fasting and Praying as a church. We've been encouraged to do the Daniel Fast and to take time to seek God in a greater and more intimate way. To look for what He is doing and saying to us, individually and collectively.
On Sunday I awoke in a sweat. Leading up to that I was having the most intense dream.
The dream involved me in this theatre production. I saw myself in this theatre and the people in this production were people in my life, from school and I think from church (but definitely from school). I was in my role as principal. I remember seeing the production being put together and thinking, 'Man this is going to be great'. I'd then been involved in promoting what we were doing and getting the crowds in. The thing was it was opening night. Everyone was getting ready for curtain call. The people were going to filling up the large theatre of seats. Suddenly someone asked am I ready. "Am I ready for what?" Am I ready for my part? I was like "No- I'm not in this....What?!" I thought to myself, "No- this can't be happening. I haven't rehearsed for me to be in this. I remembered in the dream that I was madly trying to work out what I was supposed to do. I knew only the first line of my character and that was something like saying "A place of peace and understanding" Everything else was a blank. I madly tried to scramble around and get the scripts from others around me in the production. Some only had their own pages, others had some but a few pages missing, while others had all the pages but they weren't in order. I was thinking, "I really need to bring all these bits together and put them in some sense of order and make meaning of it all in order to know what my bit is, but I just don't have time...the people are starting to come in". I remember going "Where is Carol! I need Carol". Carol is my principal supervisor, and I was thinking "I just need someone who I can talk this through with. Someone who can just bring some calm to me and for this situation".
I could feel the sweat and anxiety of the situation and I was thinking "How can this be. I need to get out of this somehow". I remember telling myself "Wake up- just wake up and get out of it now". And then- I just woke up. You know how you wake up and you think, "Whew- that was an intense dream. Thank God it's just a dream!". Yeah- that's how I felt. I still woke up in that same cold sweat as in the dream and my stomach was just so sore from that anxiety. Amazing how physiologically your body can react to what is going on in your mind and spirit.
Anyway- I lay there trying to make sense of the dream, because I knew that it had some meaning for me. I thought about what I'd been thinking about before I drifted off to sleep. I'd been thinking about how anxiety has been trying to overcome me, especially when I have successfully completed something. It's like this wave that comes over me and is trying so hard to erode my confidence. I told Malcolm it's like this huge self doubt comes in and I know it's definitely a spiritual thing. I feel like I have to stand up and be strong, and I also know that I need Malcolm to be there for me when these things happen.
Anyway- I kind of put it to the back of my mind and went about getting ready for church. When I arrived at church the dream kept coming back to me, especially during the worship time.
What came to me was that God has great things in store (individually - He is calling me to greater things for Him) and also for our church. He was showing me that there is going to be increase in the people who will come, and that although we can promote and get excited about what is to come, individually we must all do our own bit. We need to fast and to pray in our own time and in our own personal relationship with God. We must do our preparation and make sense of what everyone has on the pages that God has given and shown them. Someone has to make sense and order of this in order to bring the workers together, for the harvest is ready.
I think it's no coincidence that I heard the line "A place of peace and understanding". I remember seeing that this was going to be one of the first introductory lines, almost like setting the scene for what is to come. I saw myself having to say this with my arms stretching out from within, like I was declaring this over the place (on the stage).
I know God gives us things for others and it's often for us specifically too. I was encouraged to make sure I do do my bit in the team, not just assuming it will be done by others. I guess too, that if we are going to reach out, we must also reach in- ourselves, to each other, and ultimately to Him.
Here's to more dreams and revelations.
Bless you Lord.
Amen xxx

God is good

Today I left school just before the bell. I'd had enough and I knew that I needed to come home and be quiet. Get away from the noise, the demands of people wanting, needing, something, from me. Well- not really. Everybody has a valid reason to need things and wanting a chance to talk things through. It's just that I've had a really crazy busy time lately. More so than normal. Two weeks ago, I came home on a Friday afternoon and was just so down. "I think I'm done" I told Malcolm. "Maybe it's time to throw in the towel". I really had to cry it out and talk about how I was feeling with the Lord. God is always gracious. He took care of me and helped me to finish something that was hanging over me, something I thought was just going to be too hard at that time to get done. But I did it, and somehow it did ease a bit of the anxiety I'd been experiencing.

Then today, I came home and sat down. Quiet. No one home. Just me. Silence. I sat and just stopped. After a bit, I decided to tidy up and just get some order to my surroundings. I went downstairs into my room and changed into something loose fitting. I picked up the massive pile of clothes- actually PILES of clothes strewn around the floor and I started to sort them either into a laundry pile, or back into the wardrobe or draws. I made the bed- aah! Feeling much better already.

I don't know how many times the Lord has shown me that what I need for myself is my own place just for me- a sanctuary, that helps me to just talk things through with Him, and to just recharge my batteries. My environment plays a huge part in my well being. It has to be a bit quirky, homely, and a place that makes my heart sing. It also has to smell nice. Fragrant.

Anyway, I decided also to clean my wardrobe that had been bugging me for ages too. Funny thing is, when I had cleared out the very back shelf of the wardrobe, I found this birthday card Malcolm and the girls had given me. I love the picture on the front- a monkey and a dog asleep and leaning against each other. Inside the card, they'd all written something special for me. Malcolm had also written, remember to take some time out for yourself today. The girls and Mal had expressed how much they loved me, and they all encouraged me to have some rest.
I also came across my missing credit card that I'd been looking for this week. In that moment, God was reminding me (He'd done this sometime too last year) not to give up when I am needing a breakthrough in something- perservere and trust in Him- He will make a way where there seems to be no way.

I lay on the bed when I'd finished tidying and reflected on how God had been using different people in my life to give me encouragement. He used someone to ask me today "How are you really?" Even though I didn't want to go there, in case I broke down- something I didn't want to do to them... it was an opportunity to really stop and talk about some of the things that are pressing on my mind at the moment. This person encouraged me to think about my 'wairua', which I'd been speaking to them about earlier this term. His message was, to look after my spirit, but also my physical self. Take in more water, and also seek His Holy Spirit to wash over me afresh. I thought to myself- "Man, God is just so good to me. He just wants to bless me and let me know that He knows what I'm going through and He is here with me".

Later, Aimee came upstairs and said- "Mum have you seen that comment Pastor Suzie put on your FB page". "No". "Well you should check it out" she said. When I went on the page, she'd given me encouragement about hearing from the Lord and using this to help/ bless others. It was just another confirmation from the Lord saying "See, I will pour out myself, my love onto you Sonia. I want you to know that I am here and I love you. I see what you do and I know your heart".

God you are just so amazing. What a great Dad you are to me. You watch everything that is going on in my life and you are just there with me the whole way. You bring everything that happens in my life together for my good. You are wonderful beyond description. There are no words that could capture everything you are- so I'll just sign off with LOVE YOU FOREVER:) xxxxxxx

For good..

This is for my friend Kate,

One day, I hope she reads this and watches this video clip...
Because I knew you..I have been changed...for good:)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-uD1_InPOiA&feature=related

I love the musical WICKED- can't wait until it comes to NZ in 2013. I want to see this show both at the West End and in New York.

Prophetic Acts

This morning we attended Living Well Church in Rotorua. We'd spent the weekend down in Rotorua, while Aimee spent Friday night and Saturday sharing with the Youth at Living Well Church- her New Generation stuff. Anyway- this morning the guest speaker, Senior Pastor Ross from Te Puke- shared about Prophetic Acts, and how so often the spirit prompts us to actually do stuff- to ACT, and when we do this in obedience, God moves in mighty ways. The trouble is we often get in the way- we put our own selves to the test. We talk ourselves out of believing that it is God who is speaking to us. We worry about what we are going to look like, that we might look foolish for thinking we've heard from God when really we might not have. What will people think of me?
It reminded me of a couple of weeks ago, the Holy Spirit kept prompting me to do a prayer walk around the perimeter of my school- to take authority over that place and to change the atmosphere. I kept thinking about it, but didn't actually do anything. Then later that morning, Malcolm called in. He had a job up the road and finished earlier than expected. When he came in, I just felt some peace enter the room. I said, "I really feel to do a prayer walk around the perimeter of my school- can you do it with me?" Sometimes I'm not always sure about how Malcolm will react to things like this. This time however he said, "Yes- let's do it". I think even he could sense some unrest.
The funny thing was, people- staff and parents could see us walking and talking. They could see us declaring things and maybe they might have thought we were having a domestic. But then again, we were praising Him, telling Him how much we appreciated that He had this all under control.
It felt good and right to walk around, taking authority over the place where God had placed us. Declaring His goodness and His perfect plan over His school, His people.
It was good to ask God for His forgiveness and to really seek His will in all things, no matter how much it would cost my own selfish pride.
The amazing thing is, there was a breakthrough in the atmosphere. This is something that Ps Ross spoke about this morning. When there are prophetic acts- breakthrough comes. What happened at school was that the plans of the enemy were tipped upside down. I can see God's hand in all that is happening.
God has shown me that I come from a lineage of strong woman. He showed me that while this is can be a strength, unless I learn to rely on Him, to know that my strength is in Him...then that thing will also be my weakness.
Something else that happened today- a woman after the service approached me and told me that she kept looking at me during the morning. God prompted her to come and give me a long hug and to tell me that I was a beautiful woman of God. I noticed myself when she did this was that I found it hard to receive such a gesture- even though I was really touched by what she did. My wonderful husband told me that what she had said was true, I am a beautiful woman of God.
God knows that the thing I need most from Him, and my husband is to know that I am His/his and that I am taken care of by Him/him.
I'm grateful for that lady being obedient to His prompting. That prophetic act released in me the assurance that God is always there for me. He loves me. That's it. He loves me. His plans for me are for good. He will look after me. No matter what!
He is mine and I am his.

Let today's encounter with God be a reminder to me, a prompting to ACT on what He is asking me to do- to step out in faith, and be available to Him for His works, for His people, for His purpose, His Kingdom. Amen...

A prophetic act is more than - or differs from - a spoken word of prophecy, or word of knowledge.  It’s an action, something we DO under the anointing and unction of the Holy Spirit as a step of faith, as an act of obedience to release the power, the presence and the victory of God into a situation. Yes, it can include prophecy and words of knowledge, or it can be an act that stands alone without any ‘extras’.  By Joan Emery (Hamilton, New Zealand). http://www.gospel.org.nz/FreeArticles/OthersArticles/PROPHETIC%20%20ACTS.htm

Pressures

Right now some things are going on around me. Things to create pressure- to try to reveal to me things that are in my heart. Temptations to rely on my own strength, own worldly wisdom (or stupidity)- and boy can it be hard to quieten down the dialogue of wanting to fight back, to seek revenge or to counteract the things that get thrown my way.
It's a test on my leadership- I know this, because 'yes' my resolve to lead in the way I know I should, in the way He has called me to- has been sorely tested in these past few weeks. I can feel myself at the edge sometimes, and I've crossed over to where I didn't want to go- a couple of times.
The things I struggle with...listening to complaining and fuelling this by my silence or a few times, adding to it with my own 'natural' thinking= instead of coming to it from a Godly perspective. Also- knowing that God is knocking on the door of my heart, reminding me of who I am to be in Him- why I am there, and what I have been called to do.
God I am ashamed to admit that I have fallen short of your expectations.
How do I stop this?

Come to Me
Step back and take yourself out of the whirlwind
You are to effect change, not be impacted by the changes or forces that are not of Me
I have called you to be a Godly leader
Not a wordly one
You are mine
I shall have my way in you
But you must first submit yourself to me

Your legacy

To love others
To lead with love
To show people who I am through you
To do what is right
In My eyes
To show others My purpose that I have planted in each and everyone of them
And how that colours our world

What does it mean to be a Godly leader?

• Appointed by God Himself
•  Purposed, destined, called
• Does what is right, not to be right
• Kingdom focused
• Loving
• An example of God Himself
• Reliant on the Holy Spirit for guidance
• Submissive to the Will of God
• Cares more about changing hearts than burning down ‘temples’
• Eternity focused
•  Obedient
• Humble in spirit
• Not self seeking

Love:

1 Corinthians 13

4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 8 Love never fails.

Daniel           Faithful

Moses            Obedient

Timothy         Servant heart, humble

Paul                Committed

Jesus              Loving

Joseph          Honouring

Solomon       Wise, discerning heart

David             Passionate, Worshiper 

God I pray that you will find these qualities, traits...in me. Forgive me for being me focused, and not YOU/ others focused.

Amen:)

Don't say it's over- Overcome

I haven't written a blog for ages- not one where I just write straight on. I suppose that's what blogging is about- or is that blabbing, on and on. I don't really want my blog to be about that. But here I am, maybe this will be a blab session.
Anyway- the word Overwhelm keeps entering my mind.
I guess right now I feel overwhelmed with what life is presenting- or maybe it's my perception, and I'm so into the depths of being overcome by it all, that I can't see things rationally.
When I write: overwhelmed, I immediately think- therefore I must overcome.
Just as I wrote that I heard- 'No, it is I that will overcome'.
When I am in the midst of this storm-  feeling overwhelmed
He will overcome anything that threatens to harm me, destroy me, take me out
God has promised He will never leave me nor forsake me
His plans for me, are for good and not for evil
To give me a future and a hope
God loves me so much that He is willing to lay down His life for me
He already has
It is finished
So that my life, new life, can begin in Him
This battle, this overwhelming feeling, things, piling on top of me
Only He can overcome this- but first I must surrender

God reminded me last night that I am His beloved
If I am to be His beloved, then I must learn to 'be loved'
To openly, willingly, lovingly receive His love for me
Nothing attached, no price to pay= just to love Him too
My problem, probably like yours
Is my own WILLingness
To lay down what I naively hold dear
And to take Him, His hand, and hold this as though (no because), my life depends on it, on Him.

Overcome- I can be overcome, or I can overcome
Life can happen to me, or I can happen to life
It's a choice made available to me, allowed by Him
God cheers me on
He knows I can do all things through Him who strengthens me
I won't be overcome, I will overcome
He can't be overcome, His is the overcomer
And He will overcome!
Amen

There it comes again, that saying:
"You choose the life you live"- I choose life.

Escape Poem- recrafted

When I run away

Escape

I come to this place

Of safety

Where these words

They call out to me

Come

Sit with us

Talk with us awhile

Lets make something of this

And then

Before you know it

I’ve forgotten what I left behind

Taken up with them

Listened and heard

Lines

Words

Phrases

They’ve spelt out

What I myself 

Could not have read

Or written-for that matter

Poems

I cleaned up my desktop today. Discovered a few poems I've written so far this year. Hadn't realised I'd been inspired a few times to do this...hmmm something for me to think about.

Fear and Love

Both of these things can drive you

Fear says you are not enough

Love says I am more than enough

Fear says you are unable to do it

Love reminds you, you are enabled by love.

I can do all things through Christ Jesus who strengthens me.

Fear says bad things will happen, hard times will come.

Love says bad things will happen, hard times will come, BUT none of these things can overpower the LOVE of God for you and in you. LOVE NEVER FAILS: LOVE OVERCOMES.

Fear is deficit thinking- points out inadequacies.

Love is abundance thinking- knows no bounds, is endless, limitless.

Fear of failure.

LOVE NEVER FAILS. Love focuses on what is right, the heart of the matter.

2 Tim 1

Paul is encouraging Timothy to remember his heritage of faith, passed down from his faithful grandmother and mother…

“Fan into flame the gift of God which is in you…For God did not give us a spirit of fear, but a spirit of POWER, of LOVE, and of a SOUND MIND [SELF DISCIPLINE]”

Escape Poem

When I run away

Escape

I come to this place

Of safety

Where these words

They call out to me

Come

Sit with us

Talk with us awhile

Lets make something of this

And then

Before you know it

I’ve forgotten what I left behind

Taken up with them

Listened and heard

Lines

Words

Phrases

They’ve spelt out

What could not have read

In myself

(I'm not quite sure if this poem is finished yet... might get back to it)

Surprises

You ask me, “What was my biggest one?”

I think and tell you what you know already

It’s true, all the planning

Preparation and anticipation

The look on your face

That was it.

But when I think on it again

Your question…surprises.

It’s the little things

That take me there, breathless

The fairy lights you bought

Thousands of them

Hung in the tree in our front yard

Just because

I’d said, how one day I wanted

Mine to be like that

And how you set it up outside

My bedroom, so that each night

In those hot summer months

There they’d be, twinkling away.

Or the poems you’ve written me

Over the years

When I’d come home

Wondering what kind of mood you’d be in

Only to find, that all day you’ve written

And rewritten, crafted to perfection

Your heart words spoken just for me.

It’s not so much the big surprises

(although I love these too).

It’s just the fact that you listen

With your eyes and your heart

To the real me

And then you take time to consider

And to respond- in love

I know I shouldn’t be,

But it always takes me by surprise

Just how much I then realise

You love me, and I you.

For my Malcolm

Love you, Pato 

Distractions

I’m all adrift on this ocean of distraction

I want to reach the shore

Just not the one I started out from

But here I go as though I don’t have a rudder

As though I’m being tossed ever so violently

Against my will

Yet I know this to be true

It’s me that’s taken over control

I might not be steering this anywhere fast

Anywhere soon

But I have the choice

To take up that direction

To aim it to where He has shown me to go

To persevere because it’s there where my promise lies

Waiting, destined, ready

And here I sit, waiting, maybe to be hit by the wave of fate, unaware

Overboard and overwhelmed

BUT fear not! … He has reminded me

All you have to do is cry out to Me

To ask Me anything in His name

And, I, Yes it is I, who will come to you.

I will fill your sails with my breath

I will guide you safely

To where I will be waiting for you

Final destination. 

My home

Is with Him