Just ask

Last week I had this meeting that I was unsure of how it would go. I had to guide a team through some strategic planning. It's always an unknown when you're working with a group of people who may have varying ideas. Before I went to the meeting, I had a prayer walk early that morning. I was asking God for His help. I was especially asking him to show me in His word if there was anything that might help me. He gave me Ephesians Chapter 32 to look up. I found in Eph 32:8 "A noble man makes noble plans and by noble deeds he stands". He reminded me to look beyond myself and remember who I am doing this for- firstly for Him and then for His people. It helped me to know that God was so direct in His word to me about this specific request/ situation. It reminded me that I am noble- through Him. I am of noble stock! Therefore I can make noble plans, and when I undertake noble deeds, I can stand. Yes- I can stand against the attacks of the enemy. I can take a stand for the Lord. I can stand in the position where he has placed me. I can stand.
Lord- thank you again that you answer my prayers. You never leave me nor forsake me. Thank you that you reminded me to believe in the plans I was helping to shape- because You authorised me to do that. You also showed me to go ahead and keep doing good deeds- to be a blessing to others. And lastly, you reminded me not to be anxious for anything. If I need help, just come to you. Just ask!

It’s just easier

Poem I wrote the other night, thinking about what happens when someone disconnects because they can't face their own pain, and over time, the difficulty that happens when reconnection is wanted...but is not always as easy as 'picking up where we left off'...

It’s just easier

It’s easier to be angry at you

To hold you at arms [or more] length

To distance myself

From you

To not allow myself to get close

Or any closer

For doing that would mean

I would be close enough

To feel your pain

To know what it must be like for you

The rawness of it

I’m in protection mode

Don’t want to go there

And wonder if I can ever come back

Unchanged

Yet, when I step further back

As I imagine what it is like

Coming closer

I can see and feel

That, my retreating

Hasn’t totally closed me off

I am changed anyway

And is it for the better?

Would I have not been better off

Just coming there

Right where you were

Right where you needed me

Right when you needed me the most

Yes, I would have been impacted

No doubt

But we could have worked through this together

We could have been changed for the better

Is it too late

I really don’t know

I want to say, I’m sorry

I messed up, I should have been a better….

I should have…

And now, I watch you

From far off

I stand there, in regret

Silence and pretending this will all just go away

As you have done

And I think for now

It’s just easier

Covered by His....GRACE

Grace. Last week God showed me this word several times each day. U2 was my favourite band growing up. Love this song, and love the lyrics, that remind us of God's amazing grace. That He took it all, all of it, upon Himself- and He covered us with His grace, and wiped it all out- cleansed us and made us forever free in Him. And all because He loved us, and loves us still...


Grace
She takes the blame
She covers the shame
Removes the stain
It could be her name

Grace
It's a name for a girl
It's also a thought that changed the world
And when she walks on the street
You can hear the strings
Grace finds goodness in everything

Grace, she's got the walk
Not on a ramp or on chalk
She's got the time to talk
She travels outside of karma
She travels outside of karma
When she goes to work
You can hear her strings
Grace finds beauty in everything

Grace, she carries a world on her hips
No champagne flute for her lips
No twirls or skips between her fingertips
She carries a pearl in perfect condition

What once was hurt
What once was friction
What left a mark
No longer stings
Because grace makes beauty
Out of ugly things

Grace makes beauty out of ugly things


Music: U2
Lyrics: Bono


Here's what Bono writes about God's grace... Love it, love it, love it!


“…it is my favourite word in the lexicon of the English language. It’s a word I’m depending on. The universe operates by Karma, we all know that. For every action there’s an equal and opposite reaction. There is some atonement built in: an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth. Then enters Grace and turns that upside down. I love it. I’m not talking about people being graceful in their actions but just covering over the cracks. Christ’s ministry really was a lot to do with pointing out how everybody is a screw up in some shape or form, there’s no way around it. But then He was to say, well, I am going to deal with those sins for you. I will take on Myself all the consequences of sin. Even if you’re not religious I think you’d accept that there are consequences to all the mistakes we make. And so Grace enters the picture to say, “ I’ll take the blame, I’ll carry your cross”. It is a powerful idea. Grace interrupting Karma.

Mighty Men of Valour...

Found this too...I can't sleep so am going through some of my personal stuff saved on my computer. It's great to look back sometimes and see just how far you've come in your walk with the Lord, and to think there's so much more He has in stored for us. How cool is that?!

Mighty Men of Valour

Mighty men are prepared for war and numbered.

God assigns a number to His ‘mighty men of valour’.

When God assigns a number to His mighty men of valour, as always there is more to this than meets the eye. God in His wisdom is doing a number of things…

He is a God of order.  In numbering His men, he is showing that He has a purpose and a plan, and he is bringing together this plan even as we speak.

God is ‘assigning’ his men a number- he is giving them an assignment- both individually and collectively as a unit of force. There is great expectation in this assignment, because each member is needed. God would not just give a number haphazardly or accidentally. He would not assign say, ‘1, 2, 3, 4’ and then count ‘1, 2, ..4’, and say, ‘Oh well 3 isn’t here so we will go on- God never gives up on those who He has chosen. God would expect that the troops would rally around and ensure that each one is there at roll call- or in other words- when needed or expected.

When God assigns a number, He is really saying- you are important, you are unique, you have a place in the ‘order’ of things.

God is gathering His troops. Just as in the ‘physical army’, when you are assigned your number, it is that number that identifies you in that organisation. From then on, in your training and development thereafter, your achievement (or testimony) relates back to your ‘identity’, your number- it is very much like Paul, once known as Saul- whose ‘identity’ changed when he was given a new ‘assignment’ (or life’s purpose- God’s purpose- to build His kingdom). In gathering His troops, God has assigned you a number. You are in His army, and you will identify with that number, and the assignment that comes with that calling on your life.

 Even though God can count to infinity, and we would probably run out of breath if we tried, God knows each ‘numbered’ man intimately. He loves each one and seeks to have a personal relationship with each member. In this way, as each one is strengthened, this too strengthens the body, His army. Make your number count.

God works in numbers and with numbers, and so too must the body of Christ- not as lone soldiers. The battle will never be won that way.

Lastly- God needs His men to be numbered. If they weren’t, who then could he ‘count on’ to fight the battle?

Letting go

Found this poem I wrote about 5 years ago... 

Letting go

When will it all end

This holding on so tight

To what I think I know

And how I think it should go

When will it all end

That I should serve myself

Put all that on the shelf

And let it go

Will I not surrender

To the Father’s will

To what He wants for me

To know that it’s His plan

Will I not submit

To His authority

To know Him intimately

And love Him, as He loves me

When will I realise

That He is in control

The answers are all there for me

In Him

He loves me and has purposed me

To be just who I am

Just perfect little me

Perfected in His image, for His glory

When will I let go

Releasing my tight grip

And falling into His arms

Ready to capture and receive all He has for me

It’s not about me, it’s about Him

It’s all about you Father

When I let go of me,

There you are.

I love you.

I will never be too cool for you...

This morning at church, missionaries our church supports, Alan & Linda Stephenson, visited us and shared the work they are doing in Tanzania. Very inspirational. They spoke about being a fool for Christ, and encouraged us to consider 'Who's fool are you?' They spoke about being a fool for christ, so that you can then be 'full of Christ'. Being a fool for Christ is about dying to yourself, so that Christ might live in you as fully as He can, without you getting in the way. Being a fool, and submitting to His will and His ways that are higher than yours. It inspired me to write this for Him...

Who are you a fool for?

I want to be a fool for you God

To know that no matter what

When I trip and stumble falling flat on my face

When everyone else is laughing and teasing

And when the world is telling me

Stay down, you don’t deserve to get up

You Lord will be there,

You’ll lift me up, dust me off

You’ll say, no child of mine is a fool in my sight

Though you may stumble

Though you may fall

I can see that your heart was right with me

You didn’t care that in running to me

As hard as you might

As long as it took

As foolish as you felt, when they said

Who are you to think you can make it?

That you are deserving of His love?

You see, what they fail to realise

Is that, because you have prepared to put it all on the line

To go the distance

To run the race that I have set for you

I will honour that

I will come to you

It is I, Yes, it is I

Who is the victor

I will come and live in you

In me, you will be victorious

My glory lives, so that one day you will see it

You will know, that as foolish as you may have felt

All wisdom and knowledge and the fullness of Christ

Will be a crown for you

Don’t get caught up in wanting to be right all the time

Let go and know that I Am

Where you aren’t- I Am

Where you aren’t clever- I Am

Where you aren’t confident- I Am

Where you aren’t brave- I Am

Where you aren’t enough- I Am

Thank you Lord for all that I am not, and for all that you are: I Am

Your loving foolish daughter Sonia xxx

Forgiveness

God is amazing. I know, I probably say that alot, but it's true. God, you are AMAZING. I just like the way you operate God. You're so clever and how you weave everything together. Just as the scripture says, ...and all things work together for good, for those who love the Lord, for those who are called according to His purpose... In the past couple of weeks, I've been talking to God about someone who has caused me alot of grief. That person has been very vindictive and manipulative behind the scenes. As much as I wanted to just hand it all over to God, and move forward, and as much as I had prayed and talked to Him about it- there was just this growing feeling of animosity towards this person. Like a sign I had read on a Facebook page somewhere, the person I was holding a grudge against, was renting my headspace for free! Anyway, during my fasting, I spent a bit more time prayer walking in the mornings, and talking to God about things, including this person. I was saying, "God, I just don't want to feel like this towards that person. I know it's not good and it's not how you would expect me to be. God, will you just show me how to love them, like you love me". For a few months now, I've had to endure this person's company. To keep myself 'safe' and sane, I distanced myself [in my mind, if not physically]. I kept my conversations to a minimum and chose topics like how the weather was, etc just so I wouldn't have to end up getting too deep and meaningful and allowing myself to be vulnerable to any further potential attacks.
Anyway, last week I had the opportunity to talk to this person in a formal capacity, and I knew that I couldn't just default to small talk. I had to talk about the big stuff, the things that really matter. Going into that meeting, I prepared myself in prayer. I told God, "I need you to go before me Lord. Help me and have your way in that situation". Just before the meeting, I decided- I'm just going to keep it about the agenda- nothing emotional, just stick to what we are there for. Keep my emotions in check and don't allow this to cloud what might turn out to be a positive experience. Well- initially I could sense the unease we both felt, but then something happened- God showed up. His Holy Spirit was right there watching over us, smoothing out stuff. He allowed a breaking of the tension, so that we were both able to talk about what had been happening between us. He allowed me to listen better and to be reminded that most/ usually all of the time, people's issues really are their own, and they just project them onto others. In that meeting, we were both able to acknowledge that we could have done things better and that we would learn from this and look to moving forward. It ended by me praying for us both, and praying specifically for them.
This person had had a revelation of what God was showing them, and for them, it was a new season of change. This includes the potential for them to relocate to a new situation. As I was sharing this information with Malcolm last night, I was telling him how happy I was for them. "You're only happy because it means you can finally see the back of them" he said. I told him, that actually, even though there is a part of me in the natural that feels a little like this because of our history- I genuinely feel happy for THEM. As I thought about this, I was just so AMAZED at how much God loved me. God reminded me that when you truly love someone, you only ever want what is best for them [not yourself], even if it means that you don't get your own way. I don't know how many times I've talked about this with my girls growing up. The true test of if someone truly loves you, is that they will want what is best for you.
I knew in that moment of realising this, that God had answered my prayer. He had dealt with what was in my heart, that both He and I knew shouldn't be there. He had listened to what I had said, and He had healed my heart. He had reminded me, that He is patient in His love. He didn't force me to forgive this person. He allowed me the pain of carrying that unforgiveness, so that I would know, this is not His plan for my life, and that if I am to walk on with Him, I too must love and forgive others, as He has loved and forgiven me.
Thank you Lord that what comes to try and harden my heart- your love melts that away. You soften-not harden hearts. Soft hearts can take the knocks and pressure, they are strengthened by these. Hard hearts under the same pressure, are easier to break.
Lord thank you for a forgiving heart. Amen.