Today we start our 12 Days of Fasting and Praying as a church. We've been encouraged to do the Daniel Fast and to take time to seek God in a greater and more intimate way. To look for what He is doing and saying to us, individually and collectively.
On Sunday I awoke in a sweat. Leading up to that I was having the most intense dream.
The dream involved me in this theatre production. I saw myself in this theatre and the people in this production were people in my life, from school and I think from church (but definitely from school). I was in my role as principal. I remember seeing the production being put together and thinking, 'Man this is going to be great'. I'd then been involved in promoting what we were doing and getting the crowds in. The thing was it was opening night. Everyone was getting ready for curtain call. The people were going to filling up the large theatre of seats. Suddenly someone asked am I ready. "Am I ready for what?" Am I ready for my part? I was like "No- I'm not in this....What?!" I thought to myself, "No- this can't be happening. I haven't rehearsed for me to be in this. I remembered in the dream that I was madly trying to work out what I was supposed to do. I knew only the first line of my character and that was something like saying "A place of peace and understanding" Everything else was a blank. I madly tried to scramble around and get the scripts from others around me in the production. Some only had their own pages, others had some but a few pages missing, while others had all the pages but they weren't in order. I was thinking, "I really need to bring all these bits together and put them in some sense of order and make meaning of it all in order to know what my bit is, but I just don't have time...the people are starting to come in". I remember going "Where is Carol! I need Carol". Carol is my principal supervisor, and I was thinking "I just need someone who I can talk this through with. Someone who can just bring some calm to me and for this situation".
I could feel the sweat and anxiety of the situation and I was thinking "How can this be. I need to get out of this somehow". I remember telling myself "Wake up- just wake up and get out of it now". And then- I just woke up. You know how you wake up and you think, "Whew- that was an intense dream. Thank God it's just a dream!". Yeah- that's how I felt. I still woke up in that same cold sweat as in the dream and my stomach was just so sore from that anxiety. Amazing how physiologically your body can react to what is going on in your mind and spirit.
Anyway- I lay there trying to make sense of the dream, because I knew that it had some meaning for me. I thought about what I'd been thinking about before I drifted off to sleep. I'd been thinking about how anxiety has been trying to overcome me, especially when I have successfully completed something. It's like this wave that comes over me and is trying so hard to erode my confidence. I told Malcolm it's like this huge self doubt comes in and I know it's definitely a spiritual thing. I feel like I have to stand up and be strong, and I also know that I need Malcolm to be there for me when these things happen.
Anyway- I kind of put it to the back of my mind and went about getting ready for church. When I arrived at church the dream kept coming back to me, especially during the worship time.
What came to me was that God has great things in store (individually - He is calling me to greater things for Him) and also for our church. He was showing me that there is going to be increase in the people who will come, and that although we can promote and get excited about what is to come, individually we must all do our own bit. We need to fast and to pray in our own time and in our own personal relationship with God. We must do our preparation and make sense of what everyone has on the pages that God has given and shown them. Someone has to make sense and order of this in order to bring the workers together, for the harvest is ready.
I think it's no coincidence that I heard the line "A place of peace and understanding". I remember seeing that this was going to be one of the first introductory lines, almost like setting the scene for what is to come. I saw myself having to say this with my arms stretching out from within, like I was declaring this over the place (on the stage).
I know God gives us things for others and it's often for us specifically too. I was encouraged to make sure I do do my bit in the team, not just assuming it will be done by others. I guess too, that if we are going to reach out, we must also reach in- ourselves, to each other, and ultimately to Him.
Here's to more dreams and revelations.
Bless you Lord.
Amen xxx
Monday, 31 August 2015
Wednesday, 27 March 2013
God is good
Today I left school just before the bell. I'd had enough and I knew that I needed to come home and be quiet. Get away from the noise, the demands of people wanting, needing, something, from me. Well- not really. Everybody has a valid reason to need things and wanting a chance to talk things through. It's just that I've had a really crazy busy time lately. More so than normal. Two weeks ago, I came home on a Friday afternoon and was just so down. "I think I'm done" I told Malcolm. "Maybe it's time to throw in the towel". I really had to cry it out and talk about how I was feeling with the Lord. God is always gracious. He took care of me and helped me to finish something that was hanging over me, something I thought was just going to be too hard at that time to get done. But I did it, and somehow it did ease a bit of the anxiety I'd been experiencing.
Then today, I came home and sat down. Quiet. No one home. Just me. Silence. I sat and just stopped. After a bit, I decided to tidy up and just get some order to my surroundings. I went downstairs into my room and changed into something loose fitting. I picked up the massive pile of clothes- actually PILES of clothes strewn around the floor and I started to sort them either into a laundry pile, or back into the wardrobe or draws. I made the bed- aah! Feeling much better already.
I don't know how many times the Lord has shown me that what I need for myself is my own place just for me- a sanctuary, that helps me to just talk things through with Him, and to just recharge my batteries. My environment plays a huge part in my well being. It has to be a bit quirky, homely, and a place that makes my heart sing. It also has to smell nice. Fragrant.
Anyway, I decided also to clean my wardrobe that had been bugging me for ages too. Funny thing is, when I had cleared out the very back shelf of the wardrobe, I found this birthday card Malcolm and the girls had given me. I love the picture on the front- a monkey and a dog asleep and leaning against each other. Inside the card, they'd all written something special for me. Malcolm had also written, remember to take some time out for yourself today. The girls and Mal had expressed how much they loved me, and they all encouraged me to have some rest.
I also came across my missing credit card that I'd been looking for this week. In that moment, God was reminding me (He'd done this sometime too last year) not to give up when I am needing a breakthrough in something- perservere and trust in Him- He will make a way where there seems to be no way.
I lay on the bed when I'd finished tidying and reflected on how God had been using different people in my life to give me encouragement. He used someone to ask me today "How are you really?" Even though I didn't want to go there, in case I broke down- something I didn't want to do to them... it was an opportunity to really stop and talk about some of the things that are pressing on my mind at the moment. This person encouraged me to think about my 'wairua', which I'd been speaking to them about earlier this term. His message was, to look after my spirit, but also my physical self. Take in more water, and also seek His Holy Spirit to wash over me afresh. I thought to myself- "Man, God is just so good to me. He just wants to bless me and let me know that He knows what I'm going through and He is here with me".
Later, Aimee came upstairs and said- "Mum have you seen that comment Pastor Suzie put on your FB page". "No". "Well you should check it out" she said. When I went on the page, she'd given me encouragement about hearing from the Lord and using this to help/ bless others. It was just another confirmation from the Lord saying "See, I will pour out myself, my love onto you Sonia. I want you to know that I am here and I love you. I see what you do and I know your heart".
God you are just so amazing. What a great Dad you are to me. You watch everything that is going on in my life and you are just there with me the whole way. You bring everything that happens in my life together for my good. You are wonderful beyond description. There are no words that could capture everything you are- so I'll just sign off with LOVE YOU FOREVER:) xxxxxxx
Then today, I came home and sat down. Quiet. No one home. Just me. Silence. I sat and just stopped. After a bit, I decided to tidy up and just get some order to my surroundings. I went downstairs into my room and changed into something loose fitting. I picked up the massive pile of clothes- actually PILES of clothes strewn around the floor and I started to sort them either into a laundry pile, or back into the wardrobe or draws. I made the bed- aah! Feeling much better already.
I don't know how many times the Lord has shown me that what I need for myself is my own place just for me- a sanctuary, that helps me to just talk things through with Him, and to just recharge my batteries. My environment plays a huge part in my well being. It has to be a bit quirky, homely, and a place that makes my heart sing. It also has to smell nice. Fragrant.
Anyway, I decided also to clean my wardrobe that had been bugging me for ages too. Funny thing is, when I had cleared out the very back shelf of the wardrobe, I found this birthday card Malcolm and the girls had given me. I love the picture on the front- a monkey and a dog asleep and leaning against each other. Inside the card, they'd all written something special for me. Malcolm had also written, remember to take some time out for yourself today. The girls and Mal had expressed how much they loved me, and they all encouraged me to have some rest.
I also came across my missing credit card that I'd been looking for this week. In that moment, God was reminding me (He'd done this sometime too last year) not to give up when I am needing a breakthrough in something- perservere and trust in Him- He will make a way where there seems to be no way.
I lay on the bed when I'd finished tidying and reflected on how God had been using different people in my life to give me encouragement. He used someone to ask me today "How are you really?" Even though I didn't want to go there, in case I broke down- something I didn't want to do to them... it was an opportunity to really stop and talk about some of the things that are pressing on my mind at the moment. This person encouraged me to think about my 'wairua', which I'd been speaking to them about earlier this term. His message was, to look after my spirit, but also my physical self. Take in more water, and also seek His Holy Spirit to wash over me afresh. I thought to myself- "Man, God is just so good to me. He just wants to bless me and let me know that He knows what I'm going through and He is here with me".
Later, Aimee came upstairs and said- "Mum have you seen that comment Pastor Suzie put on your FB page". "No". "Well you should check it out" she said. When I went on the page, she'd given me encouragement about hearing from the Lord and using this to help/ bless others. It was just another confirmation from the Lord saying "See, I will pour out myself, my love onto you Sonia. I want you to know that I am here and I love you. I see what you do and I know your heart".
God you are just so amazing. What a great Dad you are to me. You watch everything that is going on in my life and you are just there with me the whole way. You bring everything that happens in my life together for my good. You are wonderful beyond description. There are no words that could capture everything you are- so I'll just sign off with LOVE YOU FOREVER:) xxxxxxx
Thursday, 29 March 2012
For good..
This is for my friend Kate,
One day, I hope she reads this and watches this video clip...
Because I knew you..I have been changed...for good:)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-uD1_InPOiA&feature=related
One day, I hope she reads this and watches this video clip...
Because I knew you..I have been changed...for good:)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-uD1_InPOiA&feature=related
I love the musical WICKED- can't wait until it comes to NZ in 2013. I want to see this show both at the West End and in New York.
Sunday, 25 March 2012
Prophetic Acts
This morning we attended Living Well Church in Rotorua. We'd spent the weekend down in Rotorua, while Aimee spent Friday night and Saturday sharing with the Youth at Living Well Church- her New Generation stuff. Anyway- this morning the guest speaker, Senior Pastor Ross from Te Puke- shared about Prophetic Acts, and how so often the spirit prompts us to actually do stuff- to ACT, and when we do this in obedience, God moves in mighty ways. The trouble is we often get in the way- we put our own selves to the test. We talk ourselves out of believing that it is God who is speaking to us. We worry about what we are going to look like, that we might look foolish for thinking we've heard from God when really we might not have. What will people think of me?
It reminded me of a couple of weeks ago, the Holy Spirit kept prompting me to do a prayer walk around the perimeter of my school- to take authority over that place and to change the atmosphere. I kept thinking about it, but didn't actually do anything. Then later that morning, Malcolm called in. He had a job up the road and finished earlier than expected. When he came in, I just felt some peace enter the room. I said, "I really feel to do a prayer walk around the perimeter of my school- can you do it with me?" Sometimes I'm not always sure about how Malcolm will react to things like this. This time however he said, "Yes- let's do it". I think even he could sense some unrest.
The funny thing was, people- staff and parents could see us walking and talking. They could see us declaring things and maybe they might have thought we were having a domestic. But then again, we were praising Him, telling Him how much we appreciated that He had this all under control.
It felt good and right to walk around, taking authority over the place where God had placed us. Declaring His goodness and His perfect plan over His school, His people.
It was good to ask God for His forgiveness and to really seek His will in all things, no matter how much it would cost my own selfish pride.
The amazing thing is, there was a breakthrough in the atmosphere. This is something that Ps Ross spoke about this morning. When there are prophetic acts- breakthrough comes. What happened at school was that the plans of the enemy were tipped upside down. I can see God's hand in all that is happening.
God has shown me that I come from a lineage of strong woman. He showed me that while this is can be a strength, unless I learn to rely on Him, to know that my strength is in Him...then that thing will also be my weakness.
Something else that happened today- a woman after the service approached me and told me that she kept looking at me during the morning. God prompted her to come and give me a long hug and to tell me that I was a beautiful woman of God. I noticed myself when she did this was that I found it hard to receive such a gesture- even though I was really touched by what she did. My wonderful husband told me that what she had said was true, I am a beautiful woman of God.
God knows that the thing I need most from Him, and my husband is to know that I am His/his and that I am taken care of by Him/him.
I'm grateful for that lady being obedient to His prompting. That prophetic act released in me the assurance that God is always there for me. He loves me. That's it. He loves me. His plans for me are for good. He will look after me. No matter what!
He is mine and I am his.
Let today's encounter with God be a reminder to me, a prompting to ACT on what He is asking me to do- to step out in faith, and be available to Him for His works, for His people, for His purpose, His Kingdom. Amen...
A prophetic act is more than - or differs from - a spoken word of prophecy, or word of knowledge. It’s an action, something we DO under the anointing and unction of the Holy Spirit as a step of faith, as an act of obedience to release the power, the presence and the victory of God into a situation. Yes, it can include prophecy and words of knowledge, or it can be an act that stands alone without any ‘extras’. By Joan Emery (Hamilton, New Zealand). http://www.gospel.org.nz/FreeArticles/OthersArticles/PROPHETIC%20%20ACTS.htm
It reminded me of a couple of weeks ago, the Holy Spirit kept prompting me to do a prayer walk around the perimeter of my school- to take authority over that place and to change the atmosphere. I kept thinking about it, but didn't actually do anything. Then later that morning, Malcolm called in. He had a job up the road and finished earlier than expected. When he came in, I just felt some peace enter the room. I said, "I really feel to do a prayer walk around the perimeter of my school- can you do it with me?" Sometimes I'm not always sure about how Malcolm will react to things like this. This time however he said, "Yes- let's do it". I think even he could sense some unrest.
The funny thing was, people- staff and parents could see us walking and talking. They could see us declaring things and maybe they might have thought we were having a domestic. But then again, we were praising Him, telling Him how much we appreciated that He had this all under control.
It felt good and right to walk around, taking authority over the place where God had placed us. Declaring His goodness and His perfect plan over His school, His people.
It was good to ask God for His forgiveness and to really seek His will in all things, no matter how much it would cost my own selfish pride.
The amazing thing is, there was a breakthrough in the atmosphere. This is something that Ps Ross spoke about this morning. When there are prophetic acts- breakthrough comes. What happened at school was that the plans of the enemy were tipped upside down. I can see God's hand in all that is happening.
God has shown me that I come from a lineage of strong woman. He showed me that while this is can be a strength, unless I learn to rely on Him, to know that my strength is in Him...then that thing will also be my weakness.
Something else that happened today- a woman after the service approached me and told me that she kept looking at me during the morning. God prompted her to come and give me a long hug and to tell me that I was a beautiful woman of God. I noticed myself when she did this was that I found it hard to receive such a gesture- even though I was really touched by what she did. My wonderful husband told me that what she had said was true, I am a beautiful woman of God.
God knows that the thing I need most from Him, and my husband is to know that I am His/his and that I am taken care of by Him/him.
I'm grateful for that lady being obedient to His prompting. That prophetic act released in me the assurance that God is always there for me. He loves me. That's it. He loves me. His plans for me are for good. He will look after me. No matter what!
He is mine and I am his.
Let today's encounter with God be a reminder to me, a prompting to ACT on what He is asking me to do- to step out in faith, and be available to Him for His works, for His people, for His purpose, His Kingdom. Amen...
A prophetic act is more than - or differs from - a spoken word of prophecy, or word of knowledge. It’s an action, something we DO under the anointing and unction of the Holy Spirit as a step of faith, as an act of obedience to release the power, the presence and the victory of God into a situation. Yes, it can include prophecy and words of knowledge, or it can be an act that stands alone without any ‘extras’. By Joan Emery (Hamilton, New Zealand). http://www.gospel.org.nz/FreeArticles/OthersArticles/PROPHETIC%20%20ACTS.htm
Monday, 5 March 2012
Pressures
Right now some things are going on around me. Things to create pressure- to try to reveal to me things that are in my heart. Temptations to rely on my own strength, own worldly wisdom (or stupidity)- and boy can it be hard to quieten down the dialogue of wanting to fight back, to seek revenge or to counteract the things that get thrown my way.
It's a test on my leadership- I know this, because 'yes' my resolve to lead in the way I know I should, in the way He has called me to- has been sorely tested in these past few weeks. I can feel myself at the edge sometimes, and I've crossed over to where I didn't want to go- a couple of times.
The things I struggle with...listening to complaining and fuelling this by my silence or a few times, adding to it with my own 'natural' thinking= instead of coming to it from a Godly perspective. Also- knowing that God is knocking on the door of my heart, reminding me of who I am to be in Him- why I am there, and what I have been called to do.
God I am ashamed to admit that I have fallen short of your expectations.
How do I stop this?
Come to Me
Step back and take yourself out of the whirlwind
You are to effect change, not be impacted by the changes or forces that are not of Me
I have called you to be a Godly leader
Not a wordly one
You are mine
I shall have my way in you
But you must first submit yourself to me
Your legacy
To love others
To lead with love
To show people who I am through you
To do what is right
In My eyes
To show others My purpose that I have planted in each and everyone of them
And how that colours our world
It's a test on my leadership- I know this, because 'yes' my resolve to lead in the way I know I should, in the way He has called me to- has been sorely tested in these past few weeks. I can feel myself at the edge sometimes, and I've crossed over to where I didn't want to go- a couple of times.
The things I struggle with...listening to complaining and fuelling this by my silence or a few times, adding to it with my own 'natural' thinking= instead of coming to it from a Godly perspective. Also- knowing that God is knocking on the door of my heart, reminding me of who I am to be in Him- why I am there, and what I have been called to do.
God I am ashamed to admit that I have fallen short of your expectations.
How do I stop this?
Come to Me
Step back and take yourself out of the whirlwind
You are to effect change, not be impacted by the changes or forces that are not of Me
I have called you to be a Godly leader
Not a wordly one
You are mine
I shall have my way in you
But you must first submit yourself to me
Your legacy
To love others
To lead with love
To show people who I am through you
To do what is right
In My eyes
To show others My purpose that I have planted in each and everyone of them
And how that colours our world
What does it mean to be a Godly leader?
- Appointed by God Himself
- Purposed, destined, called
- Does what is right, not to be right
- Kingdom focused
- Loving
- An example of God Himself
- Reliant on the Holy Spirit for guidance
- Submissive to the Will of God
- Cares more about changing hearts than burning down ‘temples’
- Eternity focused
- Obedient
- Humble in spirit
- Not self seeking
Love:
1 Corinthians 13
4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 8 Love never fails.
Daniel Faithful
Moses Obedient
Timothy Servant heart, humble
Paul Committed
Jesus Loving
Joseph Honouring
Solomon Wise, discerning heart
David Passionate, Worshiper
God I pray that you will find these qualities, traits...in me. Forgive me for being me focused, and not YOU/ others focused.
Amen:)
Monday, 27 February 2012
Don't say it's over- Overcome
I haven't written a blog for ages- not one where I just write straight on. I suppose that's what blogging is about- or is that blabbing, on and on. I don't really want my blog to be about that. But here I am, maybe this will be a blab session.
Anyway- the word Overwhelm keeps entering my mind.
I guess right now I feel overwhelmed with what life is presenting- or maybe it's my perception, and I'm so into the depths of being overcome by it all, that I can't see things rationally.
When I write: overwhelmed, I immediately think- therefore I must overcome.
Just as I wrote that I heard- 'No, it is I that will overcome'.
When I am in the midst of this storm- feeling overwhelmed
He will overcome anything that threatens to harm me, destroy me, take me out
God has promised He will never leave me nor forsake me
His plans for me, are for good and not for evil
To give me a future and a hope
God loves me so much that He is willing to lay down His life for me
He already has
It is finished
So that my life, new life, can begin in Him
This battle, this overwhelming feeling, things, piling on top of me
Only He can overcome this- but first I must surrender
God reminded me last night that I am His beloved
If I am to be His beloved, then I must learn to 'be loved'
To openly, willingly, lovingly receive His love for me
Nothing attached, no price to pay= just to love Him too
My problem, probably like yours
Is my own WILLingness
To lay down what I naively hold dear
And to take Him, His hand, and hold this as though (no because), my life depends on it, on Him.
Overcome- I can be overcome, or I can overcome
Life can happen to me, or I can happen to life
It's a choice made available to me, allowed by Him
God cheers me on
He knows I can do all things through Him who strengthens me
I won't be overcome, I will overcome
He can't be overcome, His is the overcomer
And He will overcome!
Amen
There it comes again, that saying:
"You choose the life you live"- I choose life.
Anyway- the word Overwhelm keeps entering my mind.
I guess right now I feel overwhelmed with what life is presenting- or maybe it's my perception, and I'm so into the depths of being overcome by it all, that I can't see things rationally.
When I write: overwhelmed, I immediately think- therefore I must overcome.
Just as I wrote that I heard- 'No, it is I that will overcome'.
When I am in the midst of this storm- feeling overwhelmed
He will overcome anything that threatens to harm me, destroy me, take me out
God has promised He will never leave me nor forsake me
His plans for me, are for good and not for evil
To give me a future and a hope
God loves me so much that He is willing to lay down His life for me
He already has
It is finished
So that my life, new life, can begin in Him
This battle, this overwhelming feeling, things, piling on top of me
Only He can overcome this- but first I must surrender
God reminded me last night that I am His beloved
If I am to be His beloved, then I must learn to 'be loved'
To openly, willingly, lovingly receive His love for me
Nothing attached, no price to pay= just to love Him too
My problem, probably like yours
Is my own WILLingness
To lay down what I naively hold dear
And to take Him, His hand, and hold this as though (no because), my life depends on it, on Him.
Overcome- I can be overcome, or I can overcome
Life can happen to me, or I can happen to life
It's a choice made available to me, allowed by Him
God cheers me on
He knows I can do all things through Him who strengthens me
I won't be overcome, I will overcome
He can't be overcome, His is the overcomer
And He will overcome!
Amen
"You choose the life you live"- I choose life.
Tuesday, 14 February 2012
Escape Poem- recrafted
When I run away
Escape
I come to this place
Of safety
Where these words
They call out to me
Come
Sit with us
Talk with us awhile
Lets make something of this
And then
Before you know it
I’ve forgotten what I left behind
Taken up with them
Listened and heard
Lines
Words
Phrases
They’ve spelt out
What I myself
Could not have read
Or written-for that matter
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