Today I left school just before the bell. I'd had enough and I knew that I needed to come home and be quiet. Get away from the noise, the demands of people wanting, needing, something, from me. Well- not really. Everybody has a valid reason to need things and wanting a chance to talk things through. It's just that I've had a really crazy busy time lately. More so than normal. Two weeks ago, I came home on a Friday afternoon and was just so down. "I think I'm done" I told Malcolm. "Maybe it's time to throw in the towel". I really had to cry it out and talk about how I was feeling with the Lord. God is always gracious. He took care of me and helped me to finish something that was hanging over me, something I thought was just going to be too hard at that time to get done. But I did it, and somehow it did ease a bit of the anxiety I'd been experiencing.
Then today, I came home and sat down. Quiet. No one home. Just me. Silence. I sat and just stopped. After a bit, I decided to tidy up and just get some order to my surroundings. I went downstairs into my room and changed into something loose fitting. I picked up the massive pile of clothes- actually PILES of clothes strewn around the floor and I started to sort them either into a laundry pile, or back into the wardrobe or draws. I made the bed- aah! Feeling much better already.
I don't know how many times the Lord has shown me that what I need for myself is my own place just for me- a sanctuary, that helps me to just talk things through with Him, and to just recharge my batteries. My environment plays a huge part in my well being. It has to be a bit quirky, homely, and a place that makes my heart sing. It also has to smell nice. Fragrant.
Anyway, I decided also to clean my wardrobe that had been bugging me for ages too. Funny thing is, when I had cleared out the very back shelf of the wardrobe, I found this birthday card Malcolm and the girls had given me. I love the picture on the front- a monkey and a dog asleep and leaning against each other. Inside the card, they'd all written something special for me. Malcolm had also written, remember to take some time out for yourself today. The girls and Mal had expressed how much they loved me, and they all encouraged me to have some rest.
I also came across my missing credit card that I'd been looking for this week. In that moment, God was reminding me (He'd done this sometime too last year) not to give up when I am needing a breakthrough in something- perservere and trust in Him- He will make a way where there seems to be no way.
I lay on the bed when I'd finished tidying and reflected on how God had been using different people in my life to give me encouragement. He used someone to ask me today "How are you really?" Even though I didn't want to go there, in case I broke down- something I didn't want to do to them... it was an opportunity to really stop and talk about some of the things that are pressing on my mind at the moment. This person encouraged me to think about my 'wairua', which I'd been speaking to them about earlier this term. His message was, to look after my spirit, but also my physical self. Take in more water, and also seek His Holy Spirit to wash over me afresh. I thought to myself- "Man, God is just so good to me. He just wants to bless me and let me know that He knows what I'm going through and He is here with me".
Later, Aimee came upstairs and said- "Mum have you seen that comment Pastor Suzie put on your FB page". "No". "Well you should check it out" she said. When I went on the page, she'd given me encouragement about hearing from the Lord and using this to help/ bless others. It was just another confirmation from the Lord saying "See, I will pour out myself, my love onto you Sonia. I want you to know that I am here and I love you. I see what you do and I know your heart".
God you are just so amazing. What a great Dad you are to me. You watch everything that is going on in my life and you are just there with me the whole way. You bring everything that happens in my life together for my good. You are wonderful beyond description. There are no words that could capture everything you are- so I'll just sign off with LOVE YOU FOREVER:) xxxxxxx
