Today we start our 12 Days of Fasting and Praying as a church. We've been encouraged to do the Daniel Fast and to take time to seek God in a greater and more intimate way. To look for what He is doing and saying to us, individually and collectively.
On Sunday I awoke in a sweat. Leading up to that I was having the most intense dream.
The dream involved me in this theatre production. I saw myself in this theatre and the people in this production were people in my life, from school and I think from church (but definitely from school). I was in my role as principal. I remember seeing the production being put together and thinking, 'Man this is going to be great'. I'd then been involved in promoting what we were doing and getting the crowds in. The thing was it was opening night. Everyone was getting ready for curtain call. The people were going to filling up the large theatre of seats. Suddenly someone asked am I ready. "Am I ready for what?" Am I ready for my part? I was like "No- I'm not in this....What?!" I thought to myself, "No- this can't be happening. I haven't rehearsed for me to be in this. I remembered in the dream that I was madly trying to work out what I was supposed to do. I knew only the first line of my character and that was something like saying "A place of peace and understanding" Everything else was a blank. I madly tried to scramble around and get the scripts from others around me in the production. Some only had their own pages, others had some but a few pages missing, while others had all the pages but they weren't in order. I was thinking, "I really need to bring all these bits together and put them in some sense of order and make meaning of it all in order to know what my bit is, but I just don't have time...the people are starting to come in". I remember going "Where is Carol! I need Carol". Carol is my principal supervisor, and I was thinking "I just need someone who I can talk this through with. Someone who can just bring some calm to me and for this situation".
I could feel the sweat and anxiety of the situation and I was thinking "How can this be. I need to get out of this somehow". I remember telling myself "Wake up- just wake up and get out of it now". And then- I just woke up. You know how you wake up and you think, "Whew- that was an intense dream. Thank God it's just a dream!". Yeah- that's how I felt. I still woke up in that same cold sweat as in the dream and my stomach was just so sore from that anxiety. Amazing how physiologically your body can react to what is going on in your mind and spirit.
Anyway- I lay there trying to make sense of the dream, because I knew that it had some meaning for me. I thought about what I'd been thinking about before I drifted off to sleep. I'd been thinking about how anxiety has been trying to overcome me, especially when I have successfully completed something. It's like this wave that comes over me and is trying so hard to erode my confidence. I told Malcolm it's like this huge self doubt comes in and I know it's definitely a spiritual thing. I feel like I have to stand up and be strong, and I also know that I need Malcolm to be there for me when these things happen.
Anyway- I kind of put it to the back of my mind and went about getting ready for church. When I arrived at church the dream kept coming back to me, especially during the worship time.
What came to me was that God has great things in store (individually - He is calling me to greater things for Him) and also for our church. He was showing me that there is going to be increase in the people who will come, and that although we can promote and get excited about what is to come, individually we must all do our own bit. We need to fast and to pray in our own time and in our own personal relationship with God. We must do our preparation and make sense of what everyone has on the pages that God has given and shown them. Someone has to make sense and order of this in order to bring the workers together, for the harvest is ready.
I think it's no coincidence that I heard the line "A place of peace and understanding". I remember seeing that this was going to be one of the first introductory lines, almost like setting the scene for what is to come. I saw myself having to say this with my arms stretching out from within, like I was declaring this over the place (on the stage).
I know God gives us things for others and it's often for us specifically too. I was encouraged to make sure I do do my bit in the team, not just assuming it will be done by others. I guess too, that if we are going to reach out, we must also reach in- ourselves, to each other, and ultimately to Him.
Here's to more dreams and revelations.
Bless you Lord.
Amen xxx
